Working at a middle school, temptation is everywhere. Now, I don't remember having such easy access to all sorts of food as a 7th grader, but let me assure you - teachers have a secret stash of their own treats.
Often times it's leftover doughnuts from this week's FCA meeting, the remnants of a child's birthday treat, or even a specialty item to celebrate the staff. Food is everywhere - and not just food...sweet, delicious, yumminess, that is covered in both icing and colored sprinkles.
Well, the other day it was one of my favorite student's birthdays - during break he made a point of giving me one of his "birthday cookies" that he brought for his grade. I took half a cookie - I ate it - It was tasty. Then, I find it is another student's birthday and that this child is offering cupcakes. I take one (yellow icing) and partake. It was yummy.
The rest of the day, I ate sensibly. I had my little mini-meals and my snacks, etc. I was drinking plenty of water - and for the most part I was at a good place. The day before I had met with my therapist and she recommended my coming in "as needed" instead of weekly (Exciting). Well, about 2 hours after the cupcake, I decided that the food must vacate the body.
I started thinking about drinking more water in order to enable a more leisurely vomit (I know it's a twisted thought process - that's why I'm writing this blog). I came to pretty quickly and called my husband. I told him of the overwhelming, compulsive need to vomit - and he said the coolest thing.
"What did you eat?"
"I ate a cookie...half a cookie...and a cupcake....a whole one...chocolate with yellow frosting...I need to throw-up."
"No baby, that food is good." "That's good food."
Health freaks, don't get up into arms. My husband surely wasn't advocating a diet of chocolate chip and frosting. He was simply reminding me that food is good. Even the "bad" food is good. I didn't eat 5 cupcakes - I ate 1. That one cupcake was good for my soul and perhaps, good for my body - in a way.
It was definitely a rough day - but I felt good at the end of it.
I didn't purge - 12 months going strong. I feel so good about it all.
One day at a time.
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you're doing great! and you have a great husband.
ReplyDeleteLyd,
ReplyDeleteI understand the thoughts you deal with...they can be so consuming. Please know, that, although it doesn't happen overnight, if you keep trusting the Lord and keep clinging to His promises, gradually those self-consuming thoughts will go away. We are so blessed to have a relationship with the Lord. I honestly don't know how people get over these sorts of things apart from Him b/c even with Him it's still so hard. I love you and am proud of your progress. I never knew of your struggle but now that I do, I promise to pray...and I'm not just saying that, but genuinely mean it. I am sorry that we don't know each other very well, but God is showing me that we have more in common than I was aware of and I know that He desires for us to love one another and to bear one another's burdens. Feel free to read about the victory that God has given me in my life from this same sort of thing. It's titled "God's amazing grace" over at homeschoolblogger.com/lessonsfromthevine.
I love you, Lydia....I truly do.
Love,
Heather
proud. of. you.
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