Breaking Myself

This morning, I woke up and decided, "self, I am not going to eat anything sweet today."

I didn't really think about keeping this thought in check.
a) Because I've been having something sweet everyday (and it seems like a lot).
b) I've kind of gotten sick of sweets and honestly, would prefer a nice crunchy celery stick (smothered in ranch dressing).

Well, the morning got off to a good start - except we were running late for morning prayer at our church. So, I choked down some yogurt (w/almonds) and we were on our way.

After prayer, we went across the street and got a cup of coffee. My husband roasts all of our coffee himself, so going "out" for coffee was a big treat and something we hadn't done for a while. Although, I must admit his coffee always tastes better.

I got to work 2 hours later and realized that I was hungry...and I wasn't going to make it to lunch. By divine intervention, krispy kreme glazed doughnuts were awaiting me in the office. Awesome.

I didn't really want something sweet - but I was hungry and it was there. Delicious - especially with coffee.

Then the guilt came. I shrugged it off. I was feeling good.

It continued to haunt me throughout the day, but I tried to be disciplined intaking each thought captive - instead of the other way around.

The time came in my day when I go for a run. I coach cross country (not a runner by nature) and I usually try to get my own workout in before the kids come for practice.

I was running late, but wanted to run the entire course (conundrum). Whereas in the past I probably would have foregone the workout for another doughnut in this situation; today, I went for it. And while this won't impress many of you - to me, it's pretty much a world record: 2 miles in 15 minutes. Sweet.

Never happened before and will most likely NEVER happen again.

I can feel my "self" breaking and my old "self" (the good one) - coming through...

Self-Confidence...an inventory and overhaul

This is a post from my other blog "A Day's Grace" - please enjoy and take part in the challenge.

Perhaps some of you have heard of New Zealand's 4th most popular folk parody duo, The Flight of the Conchords. If you haven't, no worries - they are not terribly relevant in this upcoming post, but beware, you are missing out.

In one of their numbers entitled, "The Hiphopopotamus vs. The Rhymenoceros," the two musicians play off one another in a well orchestrated and hilarious gangster rap battle. A line from this memorable musical snack is , "Sometimes when I freestyle, I lose confidence." This too true observation of human behavior made me think.

My life is pretty much me - freestyling. Seriously, I know of no real plan. I have goals, beliefs, and ideas of what I think my life should look like - but I'm really just doing and saying whatever comes into my head...and hoping that I am somehow getting it right.

I must confess, that sometimes when I freestyle - I lose confidence.

Many of you have read another blog authored by myself - Everyday Eating Disorder. It chronicles my journey as I confront my inner struggles with health, food, and destructive mindsets. Well, recent happenings have begun to make me question how confident and self-assured I really am. I think to a lot of people I might appear "confident" or "self-assured" or even "comfortable." At times, I totally am - at other times - it's a war that rages within my mind - and too many times I have lost.

I want to improve my self-confidence. But, how does one really go about doing this? Well, I googled it. Yep. I know. But, hey, I needed practical steps. One of the steps suggested was to have friends and family, etc. write lists of things they loved about you - or things they thought you did well.

So, here's your challenge.

I humbly ask you to leave a comment if you are reading this. Tell me 1 thing or 10 things or however many things you think I do well.

I'll try to keep you all posted as I prayerfully enter into this journey. It's definitely one that is humbling and long over due.

Thank you for reading.